Never Doubt I Love
by BrienneofTarth27
Summary: The bond had been silent since that day on Crait, until Rey starts having dreams of a future with Ben Solo.
1. Chapter 1

_The night sky in the lake country was beautiful. The billions of stars that shone throughout the galaxy reflected on the lake's surface, illuminating the water and the surrounding mountains. In all her life, Rey had never seen anything so beautiful._

 _She stood on the balcony overlooking the lake, a soft breeze tousling the few wisps of hair that had escaped from the elegant chignon at the nape of her neck. She was dressed in a gown of pure white; the color of new-fallen snow. Sleeves made of beaded-lace warmed her upper arms, but left her shoulders bare. She wondered how she had become so lucky. In all of her wildest dreams, she never would have believed that she, a scavenger from Jakku, would end up here._

 _Her peaceful musings were interrupted by a pair of strong arms encircling her from behind._

 _"Enjoying the view?" he asked, leaving a trail of kisses on the back of her neck. She closed her eyes and leaned back against his chest, reveling in the feeling of his lips on her._

 _"Yes," she answered breathlessly. "This place is so beautiful."_

 _"I'm glad you like it." He continued to nuzzle her neck. "Varykino has been in my family for generations and I always hoped that…"_

 _"That what?"_

 _"…That someday this place would be used by…our family"_

 _Tears threatened in Rey's eyes. This was all she had ever wanted; a family of her own. This was what Maz had meant back on Takodana. Finally, she belonged. Standing there in the arms of her beloved, Rey knew that it was true. And above all, she felt a balance in the force, flowing through her, surrounding her, and connecting her to her equal in mind, body, and spirit. In her heart, she could feel that this was what the force had willed. They were meant for each other. This was her destiny._

 _"Thank you for showing this to me."_

 _She felt him smile against her. "Anything for my beautiful wife on our wedding day."_

 _She turned around to kiss her husband properly, and was met with the face of Kylo Ren._

 _"Rey!"_

At the old rebel base on Dantooine, Rey woke with a start.

"Rey!" There was somebody knocking on her door. "Rey, are you okay in there? You missed breakfast!" It was Finn.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out soon."

Rey let out the breath she was holding. Another kriffing night spent dreaming of him! Her heart was still racing, beating furiously against her chest. Sighing, she got up and began to dress for the day.

A month had passed since that day on Crait, and the bond had been silent. The force hadn't connected them again. At first, she thought that the bond had died with Snoke. Yet, as days passed, she realized that she could still feel him there, bonded to her, like a lingering thought in the back of her mind.

Her throat tightened as she recalled what happened in the dream. It had felt so real, almost as if she was actually there, being held by him. Loving him.

No! She wouldn't think of him anymore. He chose his path and she chose hers. He wouldn't turn, her vision was wrong.

"Hey," Finn said as she closed the door to her room, "breakfast is over, but I have a few ration bars if you want one."

Her stomach rolled at the thought of food.

"No thanks, I'm not really hungry." She could feel Finn's worried eyes on her as they walked side by side to the hangar.

"Rey…" he started.

"Finn, I'm fine." She tried to smile reassuringly, silently begging him to drop the subject. "Where's Rose this morning?"

"I think she's tinkering with that R3 unit she found the other day"

Rey didn't fail to notice how his lips quirked when he talked about Rose.

"Have you told her that you like her yet?"

"What! I don't- No, I-I, uh" he stammered. "How did you know?"

"How could I not? It's kind of obvious." She laughed, enjoying his embarrassment.

Finn gave her a playful nudge. "Just wait until you fall in love and then I can make fun you!"

As Finn went in search of Rose, the smile fell from Rey's face. What did it feel like to be in love? She knew that she loved her friends. She thought of Finn's loyalty, of Leia's unwavering strength, of Chewie's warm hugs, of BB-8's antics. Her heart warmed at the thought of them, her family. And yet…she still felt so alone.

"You're not alone," He had said.

Obviously he hadn't meant it. Kriff, why did she keep thinking of him? She tried to clear her mind as she entered the hangar.

"Hey Jedi girl," Poe said, giving her his signature smirk, "I found an old BTL-S3 that has a malfunctioning hyperdrive. You think you can handle that?"

"Just watch me, Captain Dameron,"

"It's Commander!"

Later that evening, Rey sat on her bed, a broken piece of the Skywalker lightsaber in each hand. It was true, Rey was good at fixing broken things, but she didn't know how she could fix this. And now there was no one left to show her. No one but him. She rose from the bed and walked over to the room's lone window, setting the broken pieces down on the ledge.

A lone tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away furiously. How many nights had it been that she had cried? She couldn't remember a night that she hadn't cried, hadn't been left alone with her own thoughts that threatened to consume her. She had shed tears for Luke, her teacher, now one with the force. She had shed tears for all the lives that had been senselessly lost. Like, Han.

She had shed tears for their steadfast General, who had lost her husband, her brother, and her son, yet still nurtured that tiny seed of hope for a better future. Sometimes during strategy meetings or debriefings, Rey studied the aging princess. Even when her mouth was drawn up into a solemn frown, her brown eyes still held fierce determination and strength. Rey wondered how a person could be so strong after losing so much. In times when things looked particularly bleak, Rey could feel the General's faith in the Resistance, and it calmed her. Leia's presence in the force was soft, but warm, and it wrapped around her like a blanket. She was the only maternal figure that Rey had ever known, and she loved her as if she were her own mother.

But most of all, Rey cried for Ben Solo. After Crait, she promised herself that she wouldn't feel compassion for him. But when she thought back to their last meeting through the force and remembered his haunted eyes filled with regret, she could not help but feel for him. She cried when she thought of her vision, Ben Solo's future, the future in which his conflict between the light side and the dark no longer tore him apart. He was balanced and happy. They fought together, not against each other. And he wasn't the Supreme Leader. No, he was a teacher, a scholar, a lover, maybe someday a father. And like in her dream, she was there, and they were….

Rey swallowed, finding it hard to admit the truth of what she had seen. In her dream and in her vision, they were made for each other. They were in love.

Just then, she felt that familiar presence in the force. She whirled around to face him.

"Kylo Ren!"


	2. Chapter 2

_He stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the water, gasping slightly as he caught sight of the lone figure that rested against the stone ledge. In that moment, everything fell away and there was nothing but her. She took his breath away. She was dressed all in white, the gown hugging her body as he wished to do. The ring on her left hand caught his attention as it sparkled in the light of the stars above._

 _Force, he loved this woman; this strong, fearless, compassionate woman that was now his wife. His wife! He could hardly believe his good fortune. After everything that had happened, after everything that he had done, he had finally found peace. Because of her. They had created a balance in the force. He knew with all of his heart that they were made for each other. He approached his wife from behind, his arms wrapping around her middle._

 _"Enjoying the view?" he asked, unable to resist grazing his lips against her neck. She was intoxicating._

 _"Yes, this place is so beautiful." Her breathy reply and the feeling of her body against him sent a bolt of lust through him. He had never wanted anyone so much as he wanted her._

 _"I'm glad you like it." Force, he loved her. "Varykino has been in my family for generations and I always hoped that…"_

 _"That what?"_

 _He swallowed thickly."…That someday this place would be used by…our family"_

 _He felt her swirling emotions through their bond. They matched his own. He had never thought a family was something that he would want. After his own childhood, he never imagined wanting to bring a child into this world, forcing them to confront the burden that was his family's legacy. But now, he hoped that soon he would be able to give his wife what she longed for. The Skywalker bloodline would continue, after all. His children would be strong in the force, like their mother and father. He would teach them all that he knew. He would be there for them when they struggled with their own conflicts, guiding them in hopes that they would never make the same mistakes he did. Above all, he would love them, just as he loved their mother, his endless light._

 _"Thank you for showing this to me."_

 _He smiled against her. "Anything for my beautiful wife on our wedding day."_

 _When she turned in his arms to face him, he saw the startled look on her face and realized that he wasn't just dreaming of Rey, she was actually there in the dream with him!_

 _"Rey!"_

Aboard the Supremacy, the Supreme Leader woke from his dream. Tiny beads of sweat dripped down his face, his black curls matted against the back of his neck. His chest was heavy and he struggled to breathe.

She was there! In the dream he had felt her there, through the force. He wasn't' just dreaming of her, the force had actually brought her to him! It had been so long since he felt her properly. Of course, he knew that their bond hadn't been broken. No, in truth the bond was always there, like a delicate piece of thread, binding them, but it had lain dormant since she closed their connection on Crait, until now.

When he regained consciousness on the floor of the throne room, with Hux standing over him and Rey nowhere to be found, he was instantly overcome with a blinding rage. He had rushed to his ship, barking orders to his men, demanding they pursue the resistance fleet to Crait's surface. She had betrayed him. He had thought that she understood him as no one else ever had, as he did her. She promised that he wasn't alone. In those initial moments, he wanted nothing more than to hate her. It would make it easier to destroy her, as he told his uncle he would do.

Though, as time passed, those feelings had dissipated. His teeth no longer clenched when he thought of her rejection. No, instead it was his heart. As much as he tried he couldn't hate her, couldn't forget her. If only she would have taken his hand.

And now, the force was connecting them through dreams. He wondered if she realized that he had been there, holding her, kissing her honeyed skin. It was painful, to say the least, waking up to a reality in which she felt nothing for him, save contempt and disappointment. Although, he would much prefer dreaming of her to his frequent nightmares, the ones that left his throat raw from screaming too much. Yes, even monsters had bad dreams. Sometimes he dreamt of his father's murder. Over and over he watched his lightsaber impale Han Solo, his face illuminated by the red blade. Other nights, he dreamt of his uncle's green blade, suspended above him, ready to strike. Most nights, he dreamt of Snoke. Yes, even in death his former master invaded his dreams. Sometimes he watched as Snoke tortured the newly crowned Kylo Ren on the floor of the throne room. Other times, he heard Snoke's voice whispering unspeakable horrors into his ears; taunting him with memories of abandonment; or sometimes ordering the darkness to consume him, devour him until nothing was left, dragging him down so deep into its abyss that it suffocated him as he reached for the light. Yes, even monsters had nightmares.

Even monsters could be torn apart.

Like with the death of his father, his uncle's passing had done nothing to ease the conflict within him. He had been sure that once Luke was destroyed, the storm inside of him would cease. He would have finally finished what his grandfather started. He would have embraced the dark side, as his master bade him to, no longer tempted by the call to the light. He would have killed the last Jedi. But now, there was Rey. And the call to the light was stronger than it ever had been.

Unwilling to dwell on such thoughts, he threw off his sheets and rose from the bed, making his way to the fresher. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he splashed icy water onto his face, attempting to alleviate his bloodshot eyes. He turned on the shower and stepped into the scalding, steady stream, willing the water to burn his skin. Pain was something he could harness.

Running his fingers through his raven locks, he thought back to the dream. They were on Naboo. They were married. They were in love. All of which were things that would never come to pass. A bitter laugh escaped him. Rey would never, could never, love a monster. No, she would end up with someone like Dameron, the pilot. A hero. He would die alone. He was always alone.

"General Hux, I simply will not allow my men to be uprooted from Vardos."

Maker, he hated strategy meetings.

"It is fortunate then, Colonel Garmuth, that I am the General, and you must obey my command!"

"We do not have enough troops on the ground in the Jinata system as it is! The civilians already resist First Order rule at every chance they get!"

"Civilians will continue to resist the First Order as long as General Organa's populist rhetoric still circulates through the galaxy!"

"General Hux, Vardos will fall back into the hands of the Jinata Security Forces if we do not maintain a strong presence!"

"And we will maintain a strong presence there, Colonel, as soon as the resistance has been eliminated once and for all!"

"Supreme Leader, what do you think is the wisest course of action?"

"Yes, _Supreme Leader_ ," Hux sneered, failing to hide the derision in his tone "what would you suggest we do? Don't you think hunting those responsible for the death of our former Supreme Leader is the most pressing matter at this time?"

He ignored Hux and stood, preparing to take his leave of the tedious meeting.

"Colonel, keep your troops on Vardos. We will speak later about securing negotiations with the Jinata Security Force."

Hux flew up from his seat.

"Ren! How dare you presume to command my officers! Tell us the real reason why you won't pursue the resistance fleet! Is it your bitch mother or that scavenger who-"

Before Hux could finish his sentence, the Supreme Leader's hand shot out, lifting the General into the air. He watched Hux turn from red to blue, spluttering, as he choked him with the force.

"You forget yourself, General." He snarled before throwing Hux unceremoniously to the ground. "How dare you question my motives as if you were my superior?"

"For-forgive me, Supreme Leader," Hux answered, still gasping for breath.

His hands balled into fists. "I have chosen not to pursue the resistance at this time because they do not pose an immediate threat. Their numbers are small and the First Order is many. There are more urgent matters that take precedence over finding a dying band of rebels. Now, if anyone presumes to question me again, they will find themselves at my mercy."

With that, he stormed violently from the room, tearing the doors off of their hinges in his wake. In his quarters, he slammed his fist against the wall, creating a small dent on its surface. He let out a monumental breath and leaned his head against the cool paneling. Out. In. Out. In.

He was attempting to control his breathing when he felt a familiar presence behind him. His stomach flipped. Before he could turn around to face her, Rey's voice rung out in the darkness of his room.

"Kylo Ren!"


	3. Chapter 3

His name on her lips was the only sound that filled the room. The gentle hum of their bond silenced all else. There was only the force, and him.

He stood in the middle of her room, veiled half in darkness, half in light. The angry scar that bisected his cheek was illuminated by the silvery beams of moonlight that casted shadows throughout the base. Even in the dim light of her quarters, there was no concealing his weary appearance. His face was ashen and his bloodshot eyes betrayed the depths of his misery as they bore into her.

He was the first to break the silence.

"It's Kylo, now, is it?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but no words would come. She couldn't speak. In the days following her trip to the Supremacy, she had spent many long nights lying awake in her bunk, imagining the things she would say if they ever met again. She imagined screaming at him, reminding him of the terrible things he had done. She imagined calling him a monster, telling him of his impending defeat at the hands of a scavenger. But now, as she looked into his bleary eyes, she knew she couldn't ever say those things. Her fury vanished like a puff of smoke, fading away into the night, a violent ache settling in its place.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, determined not to let him see how much his presence had affected her.

"Ben, I-"

"No!" He cut her off forcefully, his voice slicing through the room like a sharpened knife. "Ben Solo is gone. You gave up on him just like everyone else did!"

"That's not true!"

His leather-clad hands balled into fists. "I killed my master for you! I risked everything to save you! Just when I thought you understood, you left me lying there unconscious on the throne room floor!"

His lips trembled, hurt plainly written across his features.

"You told me I wasn't alone…"

"You're not alone!"

"Then why, Rey?"

In that moment, time stood still. He asked one question and a thousand all at the same time. Why was she there? Why did she leave him alive in the throne room? Why couldn't she just let the past die? Why didn't she take his hand?

"I couldn't stay, Ben."

No, she couldn't stay. But, she could never forget how her body sung and her heart soared as she fought side-by-side and triumphed with Ben Solo. She had to save the fleet. But, she could never forget her unrestrained joy as he struck down their last enemy with his grandfather's lightsaber. Just like she could never forget the sorrow that threatened to swallow her whole when Ben Solo made his radical choice in the crimson throne room that day.

"I should have realized then, before I gave you my hand," he started, his voice shaking, "that you would have never chosen me."

"You're right," she said, her feet suddenly moving of their own accord, leading her a hair's breadth away from him. "I would never choose Supreme Leader Kylo Ren," she paused, "but I would choose Ben Solo."

It was impossible to miss his ragged intake of breath as his dark eyes searched hers, looking for the truth in her words.

She held out her hand to him just as she had in her stone hut on Ach-To, imploring him to take it, to feel her sincerity. With baited breath, she waited, her fingers outstretched towards him, until finally, he removed his glove and his warm palm met hers.

Every thought, every emotion, every feeling was instantly amplified when their hands touched. He was a tempest. The storm inside of him was ever raging, violently tearing him between the light side and the dark. He was a tempest, but she would be his calm.

She interlaced their fingers, impulsively stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. Her mouth ran dry as she remembered the dream; remembered what it felt like to be held in his arms.

"It still isn't too late," she whispered.

As their connection began to fade, she squeezed his hand, and projected one thought as hard as she could through the bond.

For as long as she lived, she would never give up on Ben Solo.


	4. Chapter 4

She knew that something was off when she caught General Organa's stare multiple times throughout their intelligence briefing.

Poe was explaining another one of his master plans to gain more support for the resistance. How she became important enough to get invited to these meetings, she still didn't know.

"Okay, look," Poe addressed his remaining comrades, "we know there are farmers out there, maybe even a village. There are people out there who can fight. Who's to say that they won't fight for us?"

"Poe," Connix started, unable to stop a sigh from escaping her lips. "we need to be careful. We should continue to send distress calls to our known allies, but we don't know these people's loyalties. We should lay low here until we know for sure."

"Lay low? Lay Low? Kaydel, there are fourteen of us! How are we going to fight the First Order with an army of fourteen? We need help!"

"That's enough, Commander," the General intervened. "Connix is right. Until we know for sure, we just can't take the risk."

Poe's eyes hardened. "So what are we going to do then, General? Wait here for the First Order like sitting ducks? Dantooine will be one of the first places they look!"

"No," Leia said, "we're going to contact my cousins on Naboo."

The general's eyes flickered back to Rey's. "Connix, send word to the Naberries. Naboo has tried to stay neutral in this conflict, but I know my cousins will support our cause. Everyone else, get back to your stations. I need to speak with our Jedi…alone."

Her stomach lurched. She knows, Rey realized, wiping the slick of her palms on her leggings, dampening the fabric. She knows about Ben.

As the rest of the resistance began to trickle out of the dingy meeting room, Rey stood and shakily approached their leader. Her steps were skittish and uncertain, like a newborn Fathier, a creature of legend. She was a creature of legend too.

"Sit down, Rey." Leia said, gently patting the seat next to her. However uneasy, Rey could only do as her general commanded.

They sat quietly for a moment, reveling in the silence that filled the near-empty meeting room. It could have been a minute or an hour before Leia turned to her and spoke.

"You know, Luke once told me that I had a power inside of me that I hadn't yet realized," Leia chuckled softly, lost in the memories of days past. "He was right. I did have a power inside of me. But, I never truly understood its magnitude until I could feel my baby through the force inside of me for the first time."

Leia reached out, grasping Rey's hands in her own, a thirst for understanding written across her aging features. Rey couldn't keep her secret any longer.

"Leia, I-"

"I could feel him here, Rey. How is it that I felt my son as if he were here, when I know for certain that he's thousands of lightyears away," the general asked, although Rey was certain that Leia already had an idea.

"We're bonded," Rey whispered finally, "through the force."

Leia's eyes began to glisten, alight with the tiniest spark of hope.

"But, how?"

Rey twisted her face away, tears threatening to spill with the reality of it all. She couldn't let this woman see her cry.

"Oh, Leia, there's so much I haven't told you. I didn't know how and-"

"Shhh-" Leia said, pulling Rey back to her, "what matters is that you're telling me now. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

So, Rey did.

Hours later, after all the lights in the base had dimmed, the two women huddled close together on an old, gray, standard issue bench with tear tracks staining both of their cheeks. The young woman's eyes were closed as the elder's hands raked through her hair, arranging it in the way of a long-forgotten culture.

"There," Leia said, securing the young woman's hair with an elastic band, "all finished."

Rey reached around to feel the braid, marveling at the way the brown strands were threaded into an intricate pattern at her nape.

"It suits you," Leia said, the corner of her mouth curving into a little smile.

Rey's mouth quirked in return, gratitude evident on her face. "No one's ever shown me how to do this before." _I didn't have a mother to show me how._

"You know," Leia said, a gleam in her eye, "I never had a daughter that I could pass Alderaan's customs onto like this. Of course Ben learned, but, he never had much use for it." She gave Rey a pointed look. "I hope someday you'll pass this onto your own daughter so that my homeworld's traditions are never forgotten."

She met Leia's meaningful gaze, and felt somehow that the force was at work in a way she couldn't possibly understand.

"Rey, I know what he's done. I know the terrible choices that he's made. But we all make mistakes. It's just a part of being human, whether you have the force or not. And despite everything, you've allowed an old woman to hope again that her son isn't lost for good," the general said, patting Rey's hand once more before standing to take her leave. "Don't give up on him just yet."

And just as she told the very man only days before, she assured his mother that she would never give up on Ben Solo.

That night, Rey dreamt of a little girl with hazel eyes and hair as dark as night that was swept up into a braid, honoring the traditions of her grandmother.


	5. Chapter 5

The next time he came to her, he found her fighting an invisible enemy with her staff. He sensed her awareness of his presence, yet she failed to acknowledge him, never wavering in her task. He was content to simply watch her.

It was a sunny day wherever she was. He could tell because she squinted whenever she looked up, as if the sun were in her eyes. A few tendrils of hair that had fallen out of her messy bun were sticking to her forehead. And she looked…beautiful.

He observed as she met her imagined opponent's strikes one-by-one, and delivered deadly blows of her own. He could hear the whir of her staff as it slashed through the air, the sound forged by the momentum of her swing. Her movements were precise, and she had a confidence about her that wasn't there the first time she bested him in the forest.

With one final kick, her enemy was knocked to the ground, defeated. Her chest was heaving, breathless from her effort. With her flushed face and sweaty brow, she looked ever so much like the warrior he knew her to be.

"You've been practicing," he said, inwardly berating himself for stating the obvious.

"Yes, well, I need to be prepared for the next time I meet an enemy."

"You mean me…"

She finally turned to face him then, a strained look on her face. "I don't want to fight you, Ben."

"I'm not your enemy, Rey." How many times did he have to tell her? How long would it take her to understand?

"The First Order is my enemy and you are the Supreme Leader."

He couldn't hide the pang of regret that coursed through him; he knew she felt it. Surprise flashed across her face as their eyes locked, and before he could stop her, she was in his mind, hearing his thoughts, feeling his emotions, and reading him like an open book. As soon as he gained control, he shoved her out of his mind as quickly as he could, and reeled back, shocked, angry, and a little impressed if he were honest, at the intrusion into his mind.

 _Where did she learn how to do that?_

"You don't want this," she exclaimed. "Being Supreme Leader isn't all that it's cracked up to be!"

"You don't know what you're talking about," he snarled, denying her claim.

"Yes, I do! I felt it," she said, her voice raising to match his, "and you're scared!"

"Stop!"

"You think Hux is going to stage a coup! You don't feel like you have anyone you can trust. You're not sleeping; you're having nightmares. You feel so alone and-"

"This is my destiny! I was chosen for this! I will finish what my grandfather started, and I will destroy whoever gets in my way!"

"You're in denial, Ben! I saw-"

"No! You are in denial! Ben Solo is gone and will never return! That I can promise you!"

The last thing he saw was disappointment on her face as she began to fade away.

"Kriff!" He pounded his fist into the wall, a sickening crunch echoing through his empty quarters. White-hot pain seared through his hand, making his stomach churn. Droplets of blood trickled down his fingers, falling onto the floor.

Wild-eyed, the Supreme Leader wrenched away from the dented durasteel and violently tore through his quarters, determined. He entered the darkened meditation room and kneeled before his grandfather's gnarled helmet, placing his hands on the twisted metal. Closing his eyes, he harnessed his anger, his hate, the pain from his broken hand, everything he possibly could, to feel the power of the dark side.

"Grandfather, show me! Help me finish what you started," he called out, feeling the pull, willing himself to drown in the dark and draw upon its power. This was his destiny!

 _Show me, show me, show me,_ he chanted, pleading, and then…nothing _._ Like a creature lurking in the shadows, it vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

 _No!_

Choking back a sob, he slumped to the floor, weakened by his attempt. Gathering whatever strength he had left, he stood shakily and stumbled back through his quarters. His head was spinning and his legs threatened to give out. He needed to get to his bed fast. His good hand gripped the wall for support as he fought to stay upright, the threat of losing consciousness becoming imminent. Just as he began to slip into the nothingness, he found his bed and collapsed onto it, unaware of the silent figure watching him from the corner.

Light. All he could see was light. The brightness of it blinded him temporarily as he fought to open his eyes. He couldn't see, but he could hear. He could hear the sound of water rushing, the sound of birds chirping, and voices; the voices of two people talking; laughing, somewhere nearby.

When the brightness faded and he could see again, he found himself in a field of tall grass, with waterfalls gushing behind him and mountains in the distance. Instantly he knew this was Naboo.

He saw a beautiful woman in a yellow dress running towards a man, no, a padawan, lying in the grass. She knelt down, checking the young Jedi for injuries, only to find that he was laughing! The young man wasn't hurt at all! He watched as they rolled around in the grass together, laughing, looking like the happiest people in the world. He almost smiled; their happiness was infectious.

Suddenly, the field faded away, and he found himself in a sitting room, a fire casting a soft glow on the faces of the young couple from the field. They were arguing. They looked…pained. He understood then that this wasn't just a dream. This was a vision. Whether it was of the past or the future, he didn't know.

 _Who are these people?_

"…If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me…"

"I can't, we can't, it's…just not possible…"

"Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me-"

 _Wait. Padmé. Padmé Amidala?_

"No, you listen! We live in a real world, come back to it! You're studying to become a Jedi, I'm- I'm a senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of how we feel about each other."

He still didn't understand. _Why is the force showing me this?_

"It wouldn't have to be that way… we could keep it a secret."

"Then we'd be living a lie- one we couldn't keep up even if we wanted to. I couldn't live like that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?"

 _Anakin?_ Realization finally dawned on him, and it took his breath away. _This is Anakin Skywalker! This is my grandfather!_

Over and over again, the vision took him through time and space, showing him different moments between his grandparents. He saw them kissing on a chariot, their hands in chains, preparing to enter an arena for their execution. He saw them back on Naboo, exchanging wedding vows on the same balcony he saw in his dreams with Rey. He saw Padmé telling her husband that she was pregnant. And he saw Anakin, distraught, after dreaming of Padmé dying in childbirth, promising her that he wouldn't let this dream come true.

Then he saw Anakin with an older man…the Chancellor. _The Emperor!_

"Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any Jedi. Learn to know the dark side of the force, and you will be able to save your wife from certain death!"

 _What? No…_

"Become my apprentice, learn to use the dark side of the force," Palpatine said, his eyes glowing yellow, a color that the Supreme Leader's had never been.

"I will do whatever you ask, just help me save Padmé's life…I can't live without her."

 _No, this….this wasn't what happened._

"Anakin, all I want is your love."

"Love won't save you, Padmé, only my new powers can do that."

"At what cost? You're a good person, don't do this!"

"I won't lose you the way I lost my mother. I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi could have dreamed of! And I'm doing it for you- to protect you."

"Anakin, you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow."

"Because of Obi-Wan?"

"Because of what you've done! Please, stop! Stop now! Come back! I love you!"

"LIAR!"

Then he watched as his grandfather choked his pregnant wife with the force. He saw another figure coming down the ramp- Obi Wan Kenobi, his namesake. He watched as Padmé fell to the ground, unconscious. He watched as Obi-Wan fought his grandfather, slashing off his appendages as he burned in the fiery lava of Mustafar. He watched as his grandmother gave birth to his mother and uncle, their father noticeably absent. And he watched as his charred grandfather lay crippled on the operating table, struggling to stay alive, as medical droids put him into a life-sustaining black suit of armor.

"Lord Vader, can you hear me?"

"Yes, master…where is Padmé? Is she safe? Is she alright?"

"It seems…in your anger…you killed her…"

"I-I couldn't have! She was alive! I felt it!"

He could feel his grandfather's pain; his complete and utter despair. It was soul shattering. And as his grandfather's sheer agony left everything in the room destroyed, he saw his grandfather's manipulative master, the Emperor, crack an evil smile, his wicked scheme finally coming to fruition.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Ben!"

He heard a voice calling out to him in his sleep.

"Ben, wake up!"

"No!" He bolted upright, his voice raw from screaming. Tears were streaming down his face. Screwing his eyes shut, he furiously wiped his tears away before placing his head in his hands.

There were no words to describe what he had seen. Snoke used to say that Darth Vader's weakness was his sentimentality; his love for his son. Yes, he had idolized his grandfather despite those weaknesses. But he had never….Snoke never told him the truth about his grandfather's fall to the dark side. It was like…everything he knew was a lie.

"Ben?"

His head shot up, and _she_ was there, sitting next to him, on his bed.

 _Rey!_


	6. Chapter 6

She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, watching the sky as it melted from orange, to pink, to purple. Absentmindedly, she toyed with the end of her braid, still damp from her shower only an hour before. A single droplet of water fell from her hair, trickling onto her shoulder. She found that watching it roll down her arm was far more exciting than her current enterprise.

After her encounter with Ben, she promised herself that she would study the sacred texts she…salvaged… from the island. While eating dinner in the cafeteria earlier that evening, Finn had invited her to watch Poe and Snap's game of Dejarik. She pretended not to notice the worried glance that passed between Rose and Finn when she declined.

Unfortunately since then, she hadn't made much progress, alone there in her room. It was ironic, really. Right in her hands, she held the key to the Jedi religion. She had everything she needed to rebuild the ancient faith, and yet, none of it made any sense. On top of that, she had no idea how to rebuild the lightsaber. In truth, she felt totally useless. She was no Jedi. She was nothing.

She slammed the dusty tome shut, hurling it across the room. Feeling guilty, she was just about to retrieve it when she felt a thrum in the force, and _he_ materialized right before her eyes. Still angry from their argument earlier that day, she was just about to tell him to kriff off, when she realized that he wasn't awake. Only a foot away, he lay thrashing around on her tattered bed-sheets, plagued by something only he could see.

"No! No, nooooo," he wailed.

"Ben!" she called, desperately trying to shake him awake. "Ben, wake up!"

Suddenly, he jolted upright. She flew back against the wall, startled by the way his body jerked awake. Almost instantly, he broke down, pulling his knees to his chest, his shoulders shaking. Rey was frozen in place, taken aback by this unexpected torrent of emotion originating from the Supreme Leader.

"Ben?" she said, gently.

He jumped at the sound of her voice, previously unaware that she had been there with him. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, and he was utterly disheveled.

"Rey?" He said her name almost as if he couldn't quite believe she was there.

"Ben, you were screaming. You- I tried to wake you, but…" It was then that she noticed his hand, bruised and bloody. She covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. "What happened to your hand?" Not willing to wait for an answer, she shot up, rifling around her meager quarters for some bacta.

When she returned to sit next to him, she gingerly took his trembling hand into her own. She was careful not to use too much pressure, in fear of disturbing the wounds even more. He winced slightly when she began to wrap it with gauze. His pain would have been almost undetectable if she couldn't feel it herself.

"Thank you," he said when she finished, looking everywhere but her.

Exasperated, she placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to meet her gaze. As if burned, she pulled away immediately, forcing herself to ignore the rush she felt from touching him.

"Ben, what happened," she demanded, "what did you see?"

"I-" he started, before looking away again. She willed the force to give her patience.

Finally he spoke. "I had a dream; a vision, really. It… was about my grandfather."

She released the breath she didn't know she had been holding. The air in the room was tense as she waited for him to continue.

"Snoke lied." He swallowed thickly. "He never told me the truth about my grandfather's fall to the dark side."

Torn between insatiable curiosity and compassion, she compromised by prompting him delicately, "what happened?"

"He turned to save my grandmother…"

She had _not_ been expecting that. Of all the reasons she would have guessed for the rise of Darth Vader that would not have been one. She guarded her surprise, keeping her face blank and her mind clear. She sat across from him, perfectly still, in fear that any sudden movement would scare him away.

"In the vision, I watched a young man, younger than me when I left Skywalker, become effectively manipulated into becoming Darth Vader," he went on, his voice shaking as he spoke. "The Emperor told him he could save his wife from certain death. That was why- I never thought…." he trailed off.

She had seen it before, the very first time he was in her mind. When she miraculously fought his intrusion, peering back into his thoughts, she saw his fear that he would never be as strong as his grandfather. In Kylo Ren's mind, Darth Vader was the ultimate embodiment of darkness, terrible and ruthless. It was true, he had been a slave to his emotions, sentimentality causing his downfall in the end, and yet, it was but a moment in the life of the powerful Sith Lord. He had believed that, despite that momentary lapse of judgment, the dark side of the force was native to his grandfather's very being. She had no doubt that whatever he had seen in the vision had contradicted everything he thought he knew, everything he was told, about Darth Vader.

He lowered his head and wrapped his arms around himself, grasping at the black fabric that covered his biceps. His breaths grew more rapid, the rise and fall of his chest becoming faster and faster. He was hanging on to his composure by a swiftly unraveling thread.

"You were right," he croaked. "This isn't- I wanted to let the past die. I thought that if I could- I wanted to make something new, something better. I didn't-"

"Hey," she said softly, wanting desperately to quell the turmoil inside of him. "I'm here, Ben." _You're not alone._

"I'm lost, Rey," he whispered back, blinking back tears. "Ever since I was a little boy I had _him_ in my head, telling me who I was destined to be. He told me I was meant to finish what my grandfather started. But, now he's gone, and I'm lost. I don't know who I am anymore or what I want, but I can't…I can't go back from this. I've done too many things, too many horrible things..."

She looked at him and wondered how she ever thought he was a monster. Yes, he had done terrible, awful things, but she felt in his heart that he truly regretted them. She knew that if she had been in his place, she would have done those things too. She understood him better now. He wasn't a monster, he was just a boy; a boy forced to grow up much too quickly, just like her. A lost soul, hidden inside the body of a man, broad shouldered and strong-jawed, praying to be found.

"Ben, you're free," she said, crawling towards him on her little bed, so close that their knees were touching. She could feel the heat of his legs against her own. "Your whole life has been dedicated to one master after another. Now you're free. You're free to make your own choices, to carve your own destiny. You _can_ come back from this."

"…I can't, Rey."

This man before her, deeply scarred and emotionally wrought, was lost. He had created for himself a life that he never wanted, spiraling out of control into chaos. Ben Solo; Kylo Ren, desperately seeking to kill the past and wanting to start anew to create something better for himself and the galaxy. Believing that he could make something better, and going about it in all the wrong ways. A voice whispering in his mind, giving him a destiny, telling him he would, he should, follow in his grandfather's footsteps. But now, as he had everything Kylo Ren thought he ever wanted, the Supreme Leader was still looking for meaning, for a purpose.

Rey knew what she had to do, and she had never been more sure of anything in her life. She would give him a purpose. She held out her hand.

"Help me," she breathed.

His eyes narrowed, flickering between her face and her outstretched palm. "What?"

"I'm lost too, Ben. I'm not a Jedi, not really. All I have are a few dusty old books and a broken lightsaber, and I don't know what to do. I need someone-I need _you_ to show me," she paused, attempting to quiet her hammering heart. "Will you help me?"

For a moment, he sat completely still. The seconds ticked by, agonizingly slow, as she waited. Then, as if in slow motion, he reached out, and touched his palm to hers. His breath hitched, and in a beat, the air changed between them. It crackled, sizzling with the electricity of his skin on hers.

She gazed up at him, his deep brown eyes unusually black. There was something in the way he looked at her that made a shiver race down her spine. Her eyes drifted to his full lips, a jolt coursing through her as his tongue darted out to wet them.

"Yes," he whispered as they leaned in, a magnetic energy drawing them closer to each other. "Yes."

He was so close; his warm breath fanned her cheek. Her eyes began to flutter closed as he parted his lips.

And then he was gone.

A moment later, she stared wide-eyed at the place he had just been, clutching her chest, gasping for air.

 _What…what just happened?_

As if a cold bucket of water had been dumped over her, she was instantly overcome with the realization that she wanted him. Just like in her dream, so many nights ago now, she had wanted to kiss him. She wanted the Supreme Leader.

 _What am I going to do?_

Far away, on the bridge of the Finalizer, the red-haired general cracked a twisted smile. The Supreme Leader had been spending an obscene amount of time in his quarters as of late. He was making things very easy for the general: very easy, indeed.


	7. Chapter 7

A hand, soft and dainty, but powerful, so powerful, stroke his naked back. The nimble fingers that left feather light touches began to press harder, kneading the muscles just under his shoulder blades. He let out an involuntary moan, muffled by the white pillow bunched against his face. He released all the tension in his body, allowing himself to sink into the mattress under him.

"Shhh," she whispered next to his ear, chiding him for the sound that escaped his lips. Of course they had to be quiet, lest two sets of little feet come pattering into their room.

He felt her move to straddle his hips, sinking down onto the sheet that was strewn over his rear, the heat of her core resting against his lower back. He sighed happily, his length stirring between his legs as she massaged him. Taking one hand off of his back to steady herself, she leaned down and pressed an open mouth kiss to the back of his neck.

He shuddered, and he felt her smile against his shoulder before she continued her trail of kisses down his spine, licking as she went. The hand that massaged him changed course, her nails digging in, raking down his back. His breath quickened as he began to rock against the mattress, aching for her.

"Please," he groaned, though he wasn't sure what he was asking for. _Please, don't stop. Please, let me touch you. Please, let me be inside of you._

Unable to take anymore of her teasing, he twisted his body, forcing her to roll off of him onto her back. He smirked, feeling her little twinge of annoyance through the bond. He moved to cover her body with his as she fisted her hand in his hair.

His eyes, half lidded with lust, sought hers. Above her, he bent his head down, moving to kiss her when she spoke, her words causing his blood to run cold.

"This is my dream, you're supposed to do what I want in my dream!"

He froze, his whole body going rigid, except his heart, which began to beat furiously in his chest. For a moment, he couldn't speak, couldn't move, could only stare wide-eyed at the woman underneath him.

She was dreaming of him and he was dreaming of her, rather, they were sharing a dream. Just like before. And she didn't know it, yet.

 _Wake up, wake up, wake up_ , he pleaded with himself. He needed to wake up, needed to get out of there before she realized. Before she felt him there, hard, in the cradle of her thighs, knowing that it really was him there, not just some dream-version of him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to wake up, to disappear from that scene. Then, all of a sudden, she gasped from beneath him and he knew it was too late.

His eyes flew open, and he was greeted by the sight of his quarters, stark and grey, with Rey nowhere to be found. However, it didn't reduce the tempo of his violently beating heart, because he recognized that somewhere across the galaxy, Rey was waking up. And she knew. _Fuck_.

Hours later, he still had no idea what he was going to say to Rey when the bond opened up again. _Shit_.

He was losing control. He was losing himself. All of the hours he had spent in meditation that day had done nothing to center him. He had even tried sparring with a battle droid in the training room. Nothing was helping, and it was all because of _her_. He couldn't stop thinking of her.

Like a blossoming spinebarrel in the Jakku desert, his compassion for her, which began in that interrogation room as the tiniest seed, had endured, despite all odds, despite everything that had taken place between them; _because of everything that had taken place between them_. That little seed had grown, and was still growing, into something that he daren't name; something far bigger, far greater, than he had ever known.

He had never had any kind of…attachment before. The Jedi forbade them, though that rule wasn't entirely enforced at the academy. His uncle was less strict about those things than the Jedi of old. In truth, he never really connected with any of the other padawans, and all thoughts of a could-be life with anyone had evaporated once he joined Snoke. His purpose had never included, never allowed, for falling in love. No, it would make him weak, like his grandfather.

But now, things were different. _She_ was different. He saw inside her mind and her heart and knew that she was the only one in this universe who could ever understand him, just as he understood her. The bond was forged, not by Snoke, the liar, but by the force, connecting their minds, their hearts, and their fates. He knew that now.

He had wanted her to let the past die, to join him, to rule with him, to bring a new order to the galaxy. Now…well, truly he didn't know, as long as it involved-

"Supreme Leader, might I have a word?" The red haired general interrupted his troubled musings on the bridge. He continued to look out the viewport into the cold void of space, barely acknowledging the urchin beside him.

"What is it Hux?"

The General sneered. "I come bearing information that I think you will find most intriguing…"

Dread began to pool in his stomach. His hands were clasped behind his back, the right gripping the newly healed left so tight it bruised. Through clenched teeth, he demanded "What. Is. It?"

"A very reliable code-breaker informed me of an encrypted transmission that he intercepted from a Resistance comlink," Hux preened, as if the victory was his own. "The comlink was untraceable, however, its destination was evident, and the message was clear. The Resistance is attempting to gain support from the noble houses of Naboo."

 _Shit, shit, shit_. How could his mother be so stupid? His thoughts in a whirlwind, he concealed them with minimal effort, the expressionless countenance of Kylo Ren firmly in place.

"And what plans were you able to gather from this communication?"

"There are plans for a rendezvous, Supreme Leader, however, the location is unknown to us at this time."

He sighed inwardly in relief. They were safe, for now. "Well, General Hux, I suggest you have your code breakers work harder to secure the location of this meeting." He turned from the viewport, moving to exit the bridge.

"Yes, Supreme Leader," Hux called to his advancing form. "I have also taken the liberty of readying a unit under Captain Phasma's charge to infiltrate Naboo to, shall we say, dissuade them from aiding the Resistance."

He stopped dead in his tracks, his hands balling into familiar fists. "You planned a military operation without my approval?"

Hux snapped, bearing his teeth at the question of his command. "I have always been in charge of military strategy! Under Supreme Leader Snoke, I-"

He whirled around to face the general, his black cape trailing menacingly behind. "I am the Supreme Leader now! You answer to me! I have grown considerably tired of your efforts to supersede my authority," he roared, his words leaving the general speechless and as red as the fires on Mustafar. "We will not use force on Naboo. First Order occupation of the planet will only drive them further towards the Resistance. If they are attempting to sway the noble families to their side, then we must do the same. This is where diplomacy comes into play; do not disappoint me, General Hux."

He left the fuming general behind, hastening back to his quarters. Once inside, he dropped unceremoniously into the chair at his desk, his head falling into his hands.

He sincerely doubted that Hux would obey his order. He was sure that, as he sat there in his quarters, Hux was already in contact with First Order spies on Naboo, ready to report at the slightest hint of Resistance activity on the planet. But what, if anything, could he do? Any further criticisms of the general's attempts to destroy the Resistance would draw further suspicion against him. Hux had power, enough power to usurp him if he played his cards wrong. He had to tread lightly.

The First Order could find the Resistance, would find them, if he truly pushed it. But he hadn't, because even after Crait, before they had even spoken again, he felt an undeniable urge to protect her, to keep her safe. And now…..she had asked him to help her, to help her learn and understand the force. He wouldn't be her teacher, as she wouldn't be his apprentice. She was his equal and he would show her everything.

Lost in thought, his fingers absentmindedly toyed with one of the handles secured to a drawer in his desk. His hand plucking a little too roughly, he was pulled from his thoughts by the squeaky mechanism that allowed the drawer to roll out, revealing the contents of inside.

Under a pile of duty old parchment and various trinkets from a time long gone was his old calligraphy set. After a moment's hesitation, he pulled it from the bottom of the drawer, setting it down carefully on the surface of the desk.

He had received it as a gift for his tenth birthday. As a boy, he had been fascinated by the written words found in ancient tomes. He admired how the letters twisted and twirled in unique styles, forming beautiful words that danced on the page. Though his father had no appreciation for it, his mother thought it to be a wonderful hobby, and brought him back the expensive set from one of her trips off world.

He thought he would never see the set again once he…left the academy. He thought it to be ash and smoke like the rest of that forsaken place. As the temple burned, he fled the planet with his lightsaber and the clothes on his back. Everything else he left to burn. He had never imagined that, on a mission to collect ancient Sith and Jedi artifacts for his master, he would find his calligraphy set in the rubble of his former hut. He remembered concealing his belongings in his cloak, calling for his knights to retreat, no sign of the Jedi artifact anywhere.

He inspected each of the writing tools, finding them virtually unchanged since he hid them in his desk a few years earlier. He ran a finger over his favorite gold stylus, the initials 'B.S.' carved into the handle. The inkwell was completely dried up, though that was to be expected; it hadn't been used in years. On a sudden impulse, he pulled the stopper from a new bottle of ink found lying haphazardly with the rest of his collection and poured a few drops into the brass container. The Supreme Leader picked up the stylus, and did something he never thought he would do again; he began to write.

Though severely out of practice, his fingers soon found themselves in a familiar grip around the utensil. He began with the alphabet, beautiful characters forming on the parchment under the pressure of his pen. He couldn't deny the calming effect it had on him, the same effect it had when he was a child. Not only had it been a beloved hobby, it was an outlet for his fear, his frustration, his sadness, and every other feeling that threatened to undo him during those times he felt most lost. The feeling of his pen on the grainy parchment grounded him when nothing else could.

The letters formed into words. He wrote a name.

Kylo Ren.

The midnight ink on the parchment twisted and swirled, bearing the name of the mighty dark knight. The ebony name stood proud against the ivory paper and yet, it brought him no peace. Biting his lip, he grasped his pen once more, lightly dipping it into the well. He wrote another name, a name he had scribed a thousand times in his youth.

Ben Solo.

He stared down at the parchment, pen frozen between his fingers. He would never understand what possessed him to write that name, his old name, on that paper. Yet, loathe as he was to admit it, something about the familiarity of those pen strokes felt _right_ in a way that no other name ever could. And it terrified him.

The Supreme Leader dropped his pen and took a shuddering breath. It would do no good to dwell on those thoughts. It would only leave him more broken and confused.

Before he could put the tools away, he was struck by a nagging itch from inside him, calling him to write something else. He picked up his pen once more and set it to paper. Next to his name, he wrote another, the three letters flowing beautifully together, like the notes in a melody. There on the parchment, alongside his name, his real name, nothing looked more _perfect_.

Rey.

Ben Solo knew what he had to do.


End file.
